By Mae Lewis
anorexia collects pieces of you. chips away at you. sculpts and morphs and kneads you into a mould of someone you are not. my ponytail always needed three loops of a hair bobble. now it needs four. the clothes i once wore hang illusively at the back of my wardrobe, untouched. a reminder that i didn’t always hide myself in oversized jackets that fall to my knees. i dreamed for the days of cocktails and parties and dancing nights. not the mathematic equations of how many calories are contained in the drink staring at me from the table. i once took steps willingly. eager to continue with the day. i never thought i would spend hours of my life pacing up and down and up and down and up and down the same 7 foot squared hospital room, tears streaming down my face because i couldn’t face another minute of my existence. my school reports would describe me as quiet and helpful, too shy, never put her hand up, needs more confidence, would never hurt a fly. so who is that girl thrashing and screaming and hitting the people trying to save her. anorexia has stolen parts of me and thrown them from my grasp. it has stolen years that should have been spent freely in the world, not locked away. it will take and take and take until there are no pieces left.
Mae is a 19 year old aspiring author/journalist from Staffordshire, England. She has been writing and publishing her work for the past year, focusing around mental health, the dangers of diet culture and eating disorders as well as her own experiences. She’s currently studying at college and aiming to go to university to pursue Media Communication Studies with the hope to one day become a journalist. You can follow her journey on Instagram.
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