Anorexia Nervosa: Collecting Pieces of You

By Mae Lewis

anorexia collects pieces of you.

chips away at you.
sculpts and morphs and kneads you into a mould of someone 
you are not.

my ponytail always needed three loops of a hair bobble.
now it needs four. 

the clothes i once wore
hang illusively at the back of 
my wardrobe, untouched.
a reminder that i didn’t always
hide myself in oversized jackets
that fall to my knees. 

i dreamed for the days of cocktails
and parties and dancing nights.
not the mathematic equations 
of how many calories are contained in the drink staring at me 
from the table.  

i once took steps willingly.
eager to continue with the day.
i never thought i would spend hours 
of my life pacing 
the same 7 foot squared 
hospital room, tears streaming down my face because 
i couldn’t face another minute 
of my existence.

my school reports 
would describe me as 
quiet and helpful,
too shy,
never put her hand up,
needs more confidence,
would never hurt a fly. 
so who is that girl thrashing and
screaming and hitting the people
trying to save her.

anorexia has stolen parts 
of me and thrown 
them from my grasp.
it has stolen years that should 
have been spent freely in the world,
not locked away. 
it will take and take and take 
until there are no pieces left. 

Mae is a 19 year old aspiring author/journalist from Staffordshire, England. She has been writing and publishing her work for the past year, focusing around mental health, the dangers of diet culture and eating disorders as well as her own experiences. She’s currently studying at college and aiming to go to university to pursue Media Communication Studies with the hope to one day become a journalist. You can follow her journey on Instagram.


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